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Archive for April, 2007

When I don’t write for a few days, typically it’s because there is something wrong and I don’t have anything good to say. My grandma Anna Mae’s voice rings in my ear, “if you haven’t anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” And so I clam-up so to speak and stop writing.

There have been moments that  I wanted to write… like when I looked out the kitchen window to see Anna walking accross the back yard wearing one roller skate while picking dandelions. Tim saw her too and asked the obvious question, “why only one roller skate?” The answer came moments later when Truman plowed through the back yard wearing the other skate — chasing Anna– demanding that she leave some flowers for him to pick for mom too.

Grace had Tim and I laughing this week as well. Wednesday night we had everyone but her in bed and we were puttering around in the kitchen doing end of the day stuff and trying to check in with each other. As we were talking we were getting louder and louder and having a hard time hearing each other. We are so used to the constant kid noise that it took both of us a beat to realize it was Grace babbling and laughing — we almost barked at her to stop interupting — so much for my request for “quiet and shy” 🙂

Cole brought me a note today that said “won dollor”  and then told me it was a bill for putting all the laundry away. I walked into the laundry room to find that he had infact put away an entire basket of kid’s clothing totally by himself. I chose not to be offended by his manipulating money out of me and instead, was so thrilled that he had been so helpful that I actually paid him.

All these moment with the kids were made even more special because Tim’s Dad has been having a very hard week. The treatments are taking their toll and he needs more and more care. We are scared and we are worn out — it’s been a hard year. I am scared to think of what could be next…

Today when I thought that neither Tim nor I could take much more without a good cry  — I said as much to my Mother. She took a deep breath and informed me that we were both plenty strong enough to do what needed to be done — we will be just fine. Tonight Tim stayed with his dad. When he called to say good night we talked about how hard it is to tuck your dad into bed, when you are used to tucking kids. Life has been turned upside down again and again it’s hard. I know I’m strong, but I don’t want to be. And yes, that is how I got to digging my heals in, claming up, and not having anything nice to say this week.

So I will go to bed thinking this… True happiness is… to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future. And tomorrow I will try hard to stay in the moment. not wish away the hard stuff, and I hope, find something good to say.

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Since Saturday I have taken four walks in an effort to jump start my “get the body back” efforts. Not sure I’ve seen any results yet, but it feels good to start thinking about meeting my first goal – buying two new outfits. I have bunch of special events coming up and I never know what to wear…

 

Anyway, as I was walking I started thinking about where I might go shopping and what I think would look good on me and I found myself thinking about a group of ladies I know who are such smart dressers. They always look “just so” and they do a great job of wearing the latest trends in a way that looks personal and pulled together on them. I really appreciate this talent because my sense of style has been drained out of me and I seem only able to buy practical things like nursing bras and flat heeled shoes.

These ladies also inspire my home decorating. They have the most beautiful gardens and their houses are always pretty and inviting. I love seeing the special things that they bring out for the holidays as well as the many ambitious things they make themselves. I always feel so welcomed in their homes and I enjoy that they humor me as I pump them for information on how to create the feeling of home in my house as well – even if I am decorating around a train table and just now getting around to landscaping the front yard.

One of the other areas of interest that I share with these women is a love for reading. These ladies read like wildfire and they have really good taste. They challenge me to read books that really stick with me – ones that I might never have picked up before. They inspired me to start a book club with my playgroup moms and they like to hear about what I have found to read. As the kids have taken over more and more of my life reading easily gets put on the backburner. These ladies have unknowingly given me a push to carve out some “me time” in order to enjoy a good read – a luxury I might have otherwise let go.

The funny thing is that these ladies are people that I have known most of my life. They have watched me grow up and somehow penetrated the heart of a self-absorbed teenager to really make an impression. While they politely asked about me and my accomplishments over they years, my interest in their areas of expertise grew. When I went to England, one of then asked me to tea to tell me about her travels. When I got married others were there arranging flowers. For each of my children there have been gifts and when I was put on bed rest they helped take care of me. Now, when I really need a break – they encourage me to get a babysitter and come for dinner.

As I finished my walk still thinking about my mom’s friends – “The Ladies of Hartford,” I call them– making mom laugh – I considered how cool it is to have my own mentors. Like my sister and my husband who have such people at their work, these ladies have been were I am, and have lived to tell the tale. They are strong, talented, classy women who are just hitting their prime – and the funny thing is – they’d know what I ought to wear.

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prayer updates

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flip flop memories

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going nuts…

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