begin again…

I had lava cake on Friday night. We should just get that out in the open right away. Since then, however, I have begun to behave in a way that I hope will help me to find my old body within this new foreign skin.

Grace was no. 4 and my body has taken a beating after each one. I am sure that every post-partum woman feels the same way to some degree, but really, I have every disagreeable side effect possible. My face breaks out; I lose gobs of hair, and worst of all I have a terrible time shedding weight. This time my stomach is destroyed. The muscles are very slow to re-gain strength. My skin is stretched out and loose. The scar is thick and sewn together lopsided. Really – it’s a mess.

Early, early this morning when I was up feeding Grace I found a panel discussion on PBC dealing with childhood obesity. A few comments seemed poignant to me … First, junk food is alright occasionally, but not in the home. If we want a treat we have to want it bad enough to go out to get it. Also, they made the point that parents have to walk the talk. Kids are imitators and will do what they see their parents doing. Finally, we have to keep at it. Eating healthy food is not something a 3 year old does willingly, so you have to keep putting green stuff on their plates and eventually they will eat it.

 

In the end it all sounded like common sense – Eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty, sleep when you are tired, strengthen your body with exercise… nothing we haven’t heard before – right? Then why is it that life just doesn’t work that way? Living life can take us off course occasionally and the side trips can cause us to feel as if we are consistently starting again. All too often I find myself falling, just before I meet my goal and am left trying to remember just how I got there, as I see my efforts slip away.

 

However, more often than not, the side trips are worth it – especially this time as I look at Grace and feel the peace of knowing that my family is now complete.  I know it will be worth the discipline and focus that will be needed to begin again on the path to re–finding myself and learning to love the person that my journey had continued to create.