Cole and Tim just left for “guy weekend.” They are headed north for two days at the cabin to bond, hang out with family, and help get things ready for winter and hunting season. I’m hanging out here in Racine with the other kids, going to soccer and violin with Anna Mae, and catching up on yard and house work. Believe it or not this was my idea.
Don’t laugh – I can explain…
Years (and years) ago my Great Uncle Dan confronted my parents with what he thought was wrong with “kids these days.” He said parents don’t take time to just spend with their kids. They sign them up for all kinds of activities and chase around with them, but they don’t really spend time just being with them. Parents need to find ways to really connect with their kids.
It’s funny that this comment went right past my mother who spent at least 80% of her day operating a one-woman shuttle service for her four daughters, and while I totally enjoyed all the opportunities that Mom and Dad gave me – I have to admit that when I heard Uncle Dan I knew there was something in what he was saying that was right.
However, in my family having my Dad’s undivided attention meant we were in trouble like we had never been in trouble before. It was something to be avoided at all costs. Plus, Mom did not trust my Dad alone with us – a fact that my Dad worked long and hard to instill in her – I’m pretty sure so that he would never have to deal with us all by himself.
On the other hand, Mom hated the cabin and no I don’t think hate is too strong a word. From her perspective going to the cabin meant weeks of meal planning and packing just to be uncomfortable and cold. But worse yet, she would be required to face her fire phobia – just picture candles, fire places, and gas stoves – in a place where she would ruin it for everyone else if she just couldn’t relax.
Needless to say I didn’t go to the cabin much as a kid.
No, I don’t require therapy. My parents did spend time with us in ways that they felt comfortable. Believe me – I got plenty of attention and I’m not a victum of anything. Our family turned out just fine – all connected and intact. I totally see why Dad was happy to keep the cabin a “female free” zone for the most part. Let’s face it, that’s not something he had at home. And quite honestly a “girl’s weekend” with my mom is would have been what most weekends were back then with all the hours dad was working. So perhaps Uncle Dan’s advice was not meant for them, but instead for the kid who was listening in the background.
Already our children are keeping Tim and I way to busy and I imagine it will just continue to get worse. Our evenings are short and the time is filled. We hardly have a chance to connect with each other let alone the kids. Unlike my Mom, we both love the cabin and are looking forward to sharing that place and what it means to us with our kids. So after years of talking about it, Tim is off to at least take that time with Cole. Hopefully later this fall we will plan a weekend when we can all go. For now – it’s a start.
In a few years, Truman will be able to go along and not long after that I will be able to come up with a plan for “girls’ weekend.” So as insane as I feel sending my two threads of sanity away for two days I am trying not to complain and instead remember the wisdom in my Uncle Dan’s words.
8busyfeet 
Good to hear that Tim is taking some time with Cole. Before you know it the time will have flown by and you two will be “empty nesters”. Phil and I just got back from Steamboat, Seattle and Portland. It was our very first trip as “empty nesters” and it has been 22 years since we have not had to wrry about the kids while traveling. We took cell phones along and Lindsey called every day to make sure we didn’t forget her and Rob called about every other day except for the Sunday that he did his first loads of wash at school and needed me to give him “quick tips” on how to fold his socks. The conversation ended after I got frustrated after he just couldn’t envision what I was saying and I told him to just stuff one into the other until we get there in a few weeks and I can show him in person. We laugh about it now, but at the time, I had wished I had left my phone behind. T. remember going up to the cabin is what memories are made of. Cindy